a new beginning...

Well, this is a day I never thought I'd see. After nine years, I've chosen to leave Nike and have given my notice today.

Why? Well.. while there are reasons (we'll call them challenges my teammates continue to find themselves facing) that might make someone want to leave, the reason for me actually taking off, and the reason that makes me feel good about doing so, is because I feel like I'm stagnating as a person... I don't feel like I'm growing, perhaps even worse, I may be regressing.. I've been unsure about my chosen career for a while now and I'm done daydreaming about alternatives w/o really giving anything a chance. I also just feel plain tired. I want a break badly. And the two week teasers aren't doing the trick. Coming back to work after a vacation is just too much of a reminder that I'm not into what I'm doing.. I think I really started to feel like a change was in order when I sensed and found myself no longer caring about my performance or trying to do the right thing as much.. This wasn't of course true in every aspect or in everything I did.... but it was prominent enough to bother me.. and bother me a great deal.

I've come to realize that integrity is a value that is very important to who I am. And I was no longer living up to my needs to fulfill that value. I wasn't performing to my potential. I wasn't listening to my heart and dealing with my disjointed feelings that I wasn't on the right track in my job/life. I felt like I was letting myself and my teammates down. I was sick of sitting around and living with that day in and day out. I was sick of looking my teammates in their eyes and knowing that I wasn't honestly putting forth my best effort. I basically just feel like I'm selling myself short.

I've considered the possibility that I may just be burned out. While I sense otherwise, either way, a break just feels right. Soooooo right.

I can only hope that my life leads me back to Nike for it has truly been a wonderful fit for me in sooo many ways... just not sure about the most important one (career) right now! I am overwhelmingly thankful to Nike for providing me with so much and I will always consider returning. I WILL miss Nike, and sooo many people that make it what it is... greatness.

Luckily.. while I might not have been taking any grand actions as a result of my building feelings that something wasn't quite right... for the past year or so, I have actually been saving up for what felt like a probable, if not inevitably approaching, rainy day (.. or draught rather). And while I still hold out in the hope that I may someday be blessed with a family of my own, I don't yet have that in my life. So as a result, I am VERY fortunate in that I am not restricted by the responsibilities by which so many others are bound. Yet another reason to seize the day and do what I can now while I have the opportunity to do so.

The future...? exciting, inviting, scarey, unknown, uncertain, full of potential, open, free, new, and up to me to determine...

Plans? Immediate: I plan on taking off for the east coast (via Amtrak :). I hope to spend approximately 2.5 months backpacking the southern half of the Appalachian Trail, from Harper's Ferry, WV, to the southern terminus of Springer Mountain, in north GA. It's about a 1,000 mile long challenge that I'm still trying to get my arms around. I'm not entirely sure I'll be able to do it all, but I sure am going to try and hopefully have fun doing so! If all goes well and I actually get out of here to start the hike in mid-September, that'll take me through November with the hopes of meeting my parents in Georgia in time for Thanksgiving. I'll then hang out with them in Atlanta through the holidays and help them out at the shop.

When I return to Portland in January, I plan on doing WHATEVER strikes me as interesting and worthwhile. Most likely a random sampling of classes, probably some kind of volunteering, as well as hitting the library and doing much more reading than I have been, or perhaps ever have!?! But otherwise just become a litte more active in pursuing things than I have been while consumed by work. Be Proactive! Set goals and stay active. THE absolute WORST possible outcome of my taking this time off is if I were to look back on it and say that I didn't do or learn ANYTHING as a result of it... that I just goofed off and wasted the entire time away. I'm doing this for a reason, I seriously hope I don't lose sight of why I'm doing this and just stagnate W/O income or purpose!!

I do have some other tentative plans that include:

• climbing Mt. Hood in the spring with friends from work.
  
• hopefully following France and the US to the World Cup in Germany in the summer with my father - also visiting with my grandfather in France.. and who knows, depending on if I have plans here, perhaps take my backpacking gear, throw it on a bike, and tour around Europe for a little bit?!
  
• if the first half of the AT agrees with me and I actually still want to do it, I'd love to finish the trail off by completing the north half of it (WV to ME), again in the fall.
  

To all of you who've asked that I update them on my adventures, I'm really hoping that this blog might be something that, with the generous help of my mom, might get updated from time to time with letters I write and send home. Might take a little luck though, because I'm not sure I've ever written a letter in my life!?!

Btw, HUGE PROPS to my parents who've enthusiastically embraced the idea of sending food drops to me along the trail. They've even invested in a food dehydrator and are having fun experimenting with various foods and recipes. And it's been GOOD! :) I'll be eating like a king on the trail if they have anything to do with it!!!

"Follow your bliss."
- Joseph Campbell